I am Trans*!

When I was about 9 (I think I was the first one in my elementary that started puberty that early) years old I hit puberty and things started to change - my hips got bigger and my breast started to grow. I was completely uncomfortable and many times forgot that they even existed, and got in trouble once or twice. During this time I still was one of the boys - we'd arm wrestle and kick each other under the lunch table. Some of the boys teased and said we were playing footsies - flirting by touching someones legs or arms, but I had no interest in dating during the time. Don't know if it was because I was uncomfortable, or what but I dated a friend for a week and broke up the fallowing week. 

During Junior high and high school i felt too awkward to date and made very few friends. I didn't fit in anywhere. I went to three high schools which were completely different - one was more urban and the other more country (ew...hunting), and finally online. It just didn't work going to school where people were going to bully me because I was different - Fuck that! I did end up making friends at the second school (in the country), but someone ended up bullying her and she didn't want me defending her which bothered me. The guy that was bullying her ended up getting pleasure from pissing me off - I took a website creating class and he came in with a little device that would disrupt the computer screen. UGHHH!!

I just ended up going online for my senior year of high school. I did the work and graduated. 


I think it was when I graduated that I started investigating the trans community trying to prod and poke at my own feelings, and just trying to figure out what was wrong with me. 

It's been always got in my way of getting a job because I'm always petrified of the though of someone finding out, but in reality it's really doubtful anyone would know unless I started transition while in that job. I don't want anyone treating me any different because I'd still be me - no one really special just me. 

It wasn't until recently that I thought about how I would be treated in the gay community, but I've found mixed answers and it's definitely going to start out with me making a connection with someone else before anything happens. And continuing the process of becoming happier with myself before I can even establish a connection with someone else. 

“I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.” 

Excerpt From: Shelley, Mary. "Frankenstein."